reblog if you’re an asshole

Me sexting my English girl

  • Me: what we finna do later
  • Girl: oi im gonna gobble your knob and bollocks

danasaur-lester:

thehardcoredanosaur:

what if childbirth is just the pain of the 9 periods you missed

and all this time i thought it was the baby ripping through your vagina

(Source: phanfrickintastic, via pastabender)

  • my bf: *doesnt reply*

  • me: [fuck this, I can do so much better than this ashy ass bitch. what am I supposed to do with some lil dick for the rest of my life anyways??? let me call his best friend MATTER OF FACT LET ME CALL HIS BROTHER. he’s not even that cute for me to be stressing over him. only reason I dated him is cause my girl told me to give his lil ugly ass a chance I'm over it tho, next! ha ha!]
  • my bf: my bad I had to pee. 

  • me: I thought you did! wassup babe 😍😛